Mostly,
we love it when it happens in the movies:
a couple making love,
perfectly in sync, gazing into each other's eyes, and climaxing at the
same exact moment.
That mythical simultaneous orgasms can be hard to chase down in real
life. But the ideal behind it is attainable for all of us: deep
connection with your partner
during sex.
1.
You Shouldn't fake it. First things first, if you're in the habit of faking your orgasms, that needs to end now. According to a 2015 Cosmopolitan survey, 67 percent of straight women have faked an orgasm. Some of the reasons may be altruistic (sparing his feelings). But you can do better than that.
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2.
Ask him to help you finish first. Another finding from that
Cosmo
survey is that 78 percent of women think their partners care about
their orgasms. And yet! 72 percent of the time guys are climaxing and
then calling it a night, making no attempt to help their wives and
girlfriends finish.
Here's the secret: When men climax,
they release a cocktail of brain chemicals and the hormone prolactin
that make them sleepy. (Biology is cruel that way.) So encourage him to
help you climax before he does. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.
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3.
Communicate with a positive attitude. We've all
heard it: Men can't read our minds -- so you need to tell him what you
want. But the way you do that makes a big difference. Communication
starts with attitude. A positive attitude about
communication as a way to improve your sex life will lead to getting
your needs met and improving sexual desire.
4.
Don't ask questions that aren't questions. For example, "Are you coming to bed
soon?" when what we really mean is "I want to have sex." You will be
disappointed when you get the answer to the real question instead of the
answer that you were looking for. Men can be slow to
take a hint sometimes. Again, break yourself of the habit of expecting
him to read your mind.
Even the question "Do you want to have sex tonight?" can be tricky
because it can mean so many different things. (Like, "Uh, I can tell
you're in the mood but I'm not, so I'm hoping I'm just misreading
you.") "Give yourself permission to ask for what you want and permission
to express it in any way you feel comfortable.
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5.
Be less selfish. Before you can ask for what
you want, you need to tune into your body and desires, and that can be
the hard part, especially for moms. It sounds paradoxical, but to truly
connect with your partner sexually you need to hold on to yourself as a
separate person, at least long enough to build your arousal.
6.
Focus on what turns you on, not on what turns you off. Communication doesn’t have to start with a negative such as ''I don't
like it when you ... ,". Instead, tell your partner what
you like, and what you want more of. And remember, appreciations and compliments are the best form of foreplay.
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7.
Don’t make assumptions. Do you love receiving
oral sex, but worry that he doesn't like giving it? Ask him how he
feels about it. "Make a statement like, ''I really enjoy when you give me
oral sex but I’m not sure if you are enjoying it.'' You may be surprised. Maybe he's okay with it, but has been
assuming you don't like it because you make so little sound and movement
when he tries it.
8.
Take on a playful attitude. Deep intimacy during
sex can be intense, but it doesn't have to be serious. Keep it light.
Maintain a playful attitude while you're having sex, and when you talk
about it. Have fun when talking about sex by being playful, letting
yourself explore, and be in the mood, If you think
too much about it, you will probably talk yourself out of it.
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9.
Make eye contact. You knew we were going to
suggest this! But for real, eye contact during sex will light your bed
on fire and ramp up the intimacy like crazy. It can feel weird at first,
but trust me on this one.
We have sex because it's fun and because it feels good. But we also
do it because it's one of the most important ways a couple can connect
with each other. Why not make sure you're both all in and have the
fullest connection possible?
What really boost you during sex?
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