Secret Ingredients For A Successful Relationship

Successful Relationship

A ‘good relationship’ means different things to different people. However, good adult relationships generally involve two people who respect each other, can communicate, and have equal rights, opportunities and responsibilities. Most of us would also expect our relationship with our partner to include love, intimacy, sexual expression, commitment, compatibility and companionship.

  Ways you can improve your relationship and be better prepared to meet the challenges along the way include:

• Communication – just because you love each other doesn’t mean you will be able to communicate well or can read your partner’s mind, or that they can read yours. Communicate your needs – don’t wait for your partner to try to guess what is going on with you.

• Remember the positives about your partner – this helps protect your relationship. One critical comment needs five positive comments to counteract its effect. Think carefully before saying what’s on your mind.

• Make repair attempts – if your attempts to talk about an issue don’t go as planned, try not to let the situation become even more negative (such as not talking for extended periods or ignoring the other person’s attempts). Saying sorry or touching your partner in a caring manner shows you care, even though you disagree.

• Spend time together – make your relationship a priority and make time for each other, even if you have to book it in. Regular ‘deposits in your relationship bank account’ will help protect your relationship.

• Everyone is different – accept and value differences in others, including your partner. We often choose people who have qualities and abilities we would like more of. This is one of the reasons why our relationships offer us significant opportunities to grow and develop as people. Remind yourself of this.

• Make plans – set goals for your relationship and plan for your future. This shows that you are both in the relationship for the long term.

• Be supportive – try not to judge, criticize or blame each other; we are all human. Remind yourself that you are a team, and in order for the team to be successful, you each have to cheer the other on.

• Learn from arguments – accept that arguments will happen and try to resolve them with respect. The strongest predictor of divorce is ‘contempt’, which is any action whereby your partner feels ‘put down’ by you, whether it is the tone of your voice or what you say. Often in arguments, we become overwhelmed and this can often lead to behaviors that harm our relationship.

• Stay calm during disagreements – This could lead to the break down of you relationship, which shouldn't happen. Always keep calm and control your self.

• Look at your part in the conflict rather than focusing only on your partner’s contribution. Your partner is more likely to acknowledge his or her contribution if you do the same. Research has shown that relationships fall into difficulty when partners begin to think ‘here we go again’ and this negative cycle is associated with loneliness, hurt and disappointment.

• Be sexually considerate – be affectionate (sometimes a lingering kiss or a warm hug are just as important. Accept that individuals have different sex drives and to sustain a healthy and happy sex life requires negotiation. A reduction in a couple’s physical connection is often a warning sign of problems in a relationship.

• Be attentive – demonstrate your commitment to the relationship. It is what you do for someone that tells them that you love them. We tend to give our partner what we hope to receive but they may prefer another form of affection. Do they like gifts, quality time with you, a note or a cooked meal? Once you know what they like, make an effort to provide it.

• Enjoy yourself – have fun and celebrate your life together. It’s also important to try new things as a couple. Doing fun activities together is very important, As often, couple issues can turn into disagreements which leave you both feeling worse, not better. Fun activities are like glue.

• Share power – ensure that each of you feels that your opinion counts. Research shows that relationships where the female partner feels that she can influence her partner are the most successful.